The weather outside is frightful...

The fire inside? Not so delightful.

Ok, it was delightful for about 20 minutes. We finally got our fireplace inspected this month, but November decided to be freakishly warm and deny us any chance to light a fire. Last week's eyeball-freezing temperatures gave us our first chance. There was plenty of dry firewood left by the last owners (thanks, strangers!) and I scavenged some kindling from our wooded property (re: made boyfriend drag a branch from the lawn into the apartment).

Mr. Boyfriend poked around in the hearth for a while, Boyscout/Man vs. Wild/No-let-me-I'm-male style, while I circled offering helpful encouragement ("Where's the corkscrew? I can't find the corkscrew. It was right here, where did you put the corkscrew? Don't worry I found the corkscrew. Where's the red?"). In a few short minutes, thanks to the combined efforts of pyromania and oenophilia, while we had a crackling fire. There was a small hiccup -
Me: Don't break the flue.
Him: I think I broke the flue.
But we persevered and together basked in the warm glow. We sipped the 2006 Fleur Petite Sirah (4.5 out of 5 for taste and value!), gazing into each others eyes and sighing in domestic delight.

Then we started coughing.

Smoke wasn't exactly billowing into the room, but things were definitely getting hazy. The reason? Science. I'll bring Bill Nye in to explain.

Me: Hi Bill Nye!
BN: Hey, Kate. Thanks for the pie. So, why does the fireplace smoke? Could be any of a number of reasons - but your recent cleaning and inspection thankfully eliminate a number of those possibilities, like creosote build up, or physical obstructions or flaws.
Me: So what could it be?
BN: Well, it could be the high winds. Or recent insulation updates may have upset the pressure balance for which the chimney was originally intended. Or even just the cold weather could be to blame! Fixing your (now) broken flue, or reducing the size of the opening to adjust the air volume and flow are likely solutions. Look at this nifty experiment to demonstrate what I mean!
Me: Wow! I understand PERFECTLY from your highly visual demonstration to explain this scientific principle I could not otherwise convey myself through this blogging medium!
BN: Thanks, Kate. By the way, you're looking lovely today.
Me: Bill, what we had is past. It can never work.

So that's what happened. Sorry to get all science-y on you. We gave up on the fire and made dinner and watched "The Painted Veil," which was beautiful and sad and presents an interesting if somewhat flat take on British colonialism and China. For dinner we roasted a leg of lamb, sauteed some broccoli rabe, and had it over quinoa. And I made an apple pie. But Bill Nye ate most of it.